No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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