her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
