Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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