Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
