Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
