She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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