I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
