Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
