Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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