Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
