i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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