Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
this just has baby written all over it
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
