Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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