why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
