put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she told me i tasted like america
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
