He is an equal opportunity slut.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
