i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
