Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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