If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
