dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
