you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
