i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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