I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
