they need to just BURY HIM!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
