I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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