So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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