Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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