Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
