it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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