You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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