fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
