i already hear my dad disowning me
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
