Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
