Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
