Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
