If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
