Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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