hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
worst night to have a conscience
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
