I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
