ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
