I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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