just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
