garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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