Don't you send me to vm
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
