Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
