ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize
