yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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