Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
