Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
