i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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