Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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