I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
