i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
