She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
