he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
