Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
