He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
